I set out this am for my run and chose to run the "HaHana Loop". I have certain routes mapped out by distance and this one is about 4 miles. A few inclines and some areas where there is no sidewalk. After all, I do live in Lakeside. As I started to run I was first happy for the cool air, praise God the heat is no longer in the morning. I love running in the coolness because I heat up immediately.
About a 1/2 mile into the run I start thinking... when will I feel like a runner. I always start out feeling so tired, legs heavy and heart beating fast, I am panting from out of the gate. Perhaps I will need to interview more "runners" to see if this is typical. But I just can't seem to identify myself as a runner. I am guessing this has more to do with my insecurity than reality. I think every time when I am done; my brain told my legs, my heart and my lungs to get us here so, who else is the runner?
As I continue along I realize there is some comfort in the white noise of the cars whizzing by me. It is pretty quiet in the morning but many are traveling to start their day and the cars going by are loud. They are a reminder of energy I guess, the motors revving and the gears shifting. It is a picture of sorts of what is happening inside my body. Of coarse I know their tanks are full of gas and at times mine seems to be running low and the performance of my vehicle is less than efficient.
The sound of a bird brings me joy representing a different type of comfort. Acknowledgement of life, all it's sweetness and beauty. The noise of the asphalt, dirt or other debris under my feet as it crunches under my weight provides an audible pronunciation of my presence.
Then there is the white noise that seems to distract me from focusing on the goal. The beating of my heart and my breathing. I try so hard to allow that noise to remind me of life and that I am well and alive and able to run. (Praise God) Yet I am distracted by its consistency not really quieting or slowing I am reminded of the struggle it takes to propel me forward each step of the way.
Many run with headphones, the music providing them with inspiration and energy. I guess in part it is their white noise. For now I want to hear what is being said and the silence in my head provides a perfect stage for such a performance. The silence does in a sense cut out everything else but my thoughts, they are loud and I cannot escape their noise. I think of a baby being lulled to sleep by a ceiling fan, cutting out the noise of everything else around them. I desire to be tuned into the noise in my head even the unhealthy thoughts because I want to be free of them. If I choose to just shut them off then I am sure to be faced with them in my future silence.
After the incline, I found myself working at keeping my feet from getting ahead of me on the way down the hill. I had to consciously pay attention as to not stumble on the dirt path. As much concentration as it was taking it seemed quicker and easier to just roll down the hill in a ball. But I am sure that would prove to be unsafe. After all of that held back energy was able to be let go, I ran with a sureness and strength and for awhile I felt like a runner. My feet hit the ground harder and my legs seemed heavier and that was when I knew, I was going fast but it wasn't a running stride but more of a sprint. (not bad to do for training purposes though)
Life is a journey and the paths vary often. Our reaction and response to the path is a picture. Maybe a picture of where we are, how we feel, where we are headed or how we are getting there. None the less a picture. I choose to look at this journey as a path the Lord has placed me on and get out of it what He wills.
I leave you with this my little angel girls ;
Walk with assurance, purpose and grace
Know that the Lord has brought you to that place
Allow the tears and laughter their purpose greater
All bringing Glory to your Divine Creator.
He will walk with you every step of the way
He can carry any load and knows just what to say
Choose wisely each step in life you will take
and for sure always do it for only Christ's sake
Sometimes at the end of a run with the goal in sight I tire and feel weary and want to walk the last bit. Other times I am energetic and encouraged I've arrived and it's over. Either way the goal is met and I pray that I learn what the journey had to teach me.